To my reason

Mister Jaden babe, 
Today has been a fun day. A hard day. I've been thinking cheesy thoughts about being a mom- as per usual- and I've realized something. Today you taught me that you're my reason. You're my reason that I smile at 3 AM when I have to sneak in and put a pacifier in someones wailing mouth.  You're my reason for procrastinating showers until late afternoon. You're my reason for trying harder to reach the potential Heavenly Father gave me.  You're the my reason for doing spastic dances and flopping on the floor. (Your belly laugh makes any rug burns sustained worth it. ;) )  You're my reason for laughing, for crying, for headaches, for sympathy, for sacrifice, for getting out of the house when I'm feeling too lazy.  Baby boy, I care so much about you. I thought I knew how much my mom and dad loved me before I had you; and I thought I knew how much Heavenly Father loved me before I had you. You are my reason for finding a closer relationship with my Father in Heaven, because now I understand a little bit better how he feels about me; what his gift of sending Christ to be my Savior and atone for my faults means.  Jaden babe, I love you more than life itself.  Let me tell you about today. This morning I woke up with a headache and some fun sciatic stuff going on. (The last time my lower half felt asleep I had an epidural in my spine.) I was grumpy, and hungry, and tired, and you were crying. I went to your room, and fed you some early morning breakfast and then we both went back to bed. An hour later I woke up and heard the sweetest little voice babbling in the next room. Through the crack of your door I could see a chubby little hand patting Puppy; I was torn between running in to hug the stuffing out of you, or staying in my hiding spot so I could smile at you telling Puppy stories. :) After a moment, you noticed me walking in toward your crib so onto your back you rolled. Your grin covered your whole face.  I absolutely love when your little arms wrap around my neck after I pick you up. I love you and those precious moments enough that it makes it easier when I watch you get angry, or when I have to scrub unmentionable things out of the carpet and our clothes.  Because I love you so much I don't mind spit and puke and squishing spiders and all those other things that I swore once upon a time that I could never handle.  Jaden, your Heavenly Father feels the same way about you. Only much better. He loves you so much that He is willing to let you get angry, or make mistakes. He loves you so much that he is just waiting to bless you with all the things he longs for you to have.  It has taken me some years and experience to figure out how merciful and loving our Father in Heaven is, no matter what we're doing. He gives us every possible chance to succeed, and he does it because he is our dad.  Sweet boy, if there is anything in the world I can give you, I hope it is the knowledge that you are loved beyond comprehension by earthly and heavenly parents. I hope you can learn how to have that wonderful and special relationship with your creator, so you can have confidence in yourself the way that He made you. I hope that you will never question that I have a testimony of who I am and whose I am; but most of all I hope that you do too.  On these days when being a mom feels like the biggest and scariest thing I've ever done, you remind me of these important truths. I'll always be your mama, but you will always be the special little spirit who is teaching me how to be a mom.  I love you bunches Super Dude.
Love Mom