Snapshots: Jaden

This blog has totally taken the back seat lately. I love it for being my unofficial journal until I actually remember to write it in my for real journal, but blogging has been draining for the last little while.
I stressed over making it what I felt like other people wanted it to be, and I finally realized:
That's ridiculous.
For one, no matter what I do, how I write, or what pictures I put on here someone will always be able to find fault in it somewhere.
There is no way to please everyone. (Learn this please, Shannon.)
For two, I'm not blogging for anyone else. This blog is for me. For memories. For what I feel like I need to write, and sometimes I share that because I feel impressed to. But at the end of the day,
this blog is for my sake. :) So.

Here we are again.

I wanted to start doing 'snapshot' posts, because I'm too lazy to write out every detail all the time. ;)

Jaden is 2 1/2 years old now.
My baby, that I swear was kicking my ribs (and keeping me up all night with heartburn and a full bladder) yesterday... is 2. It's hard to even imagine life without our Jaden boy now. I feel like he's always been a part of my life. :)
With being two, he's brought a lot of humor, a lot of frustration... and a lot of light into our home. :)
He's constantly cracking me up with the things he comes up with.
Jaden's current obsession is sharks. I think it started with Finding Nemo (which he watched about a million times while I was recovering from the d&c and miscarriage), and then when we couldn't find the movie back at home we started watching Shark Tales. He's got a shark costume for Halloween already. He's affectionately named it, "Halloween Shark" and prefers to carry it around rather than actually wear it.
However, when he does wear it, he doesn't take it off. Which is why I went grocery shopping the other day with a cute baby Hazel in my baby wrap, and a roaring shark in the cart. Haha.

Jaden has been sneaking out of bed to bring books back with him at bedtime. He'll generally fall asleep with one cracked open on his lap.

He is such a chatter box! He is also a parrot, and copies literally everything. Funny... but also eye opening. I don't realize how much I'm using a phrase until I hear it on repeat from my toddler. Lately it's "I'm serious", "Go to the corner", or "I love you". So at least there's one nice one in there.
Matt gave my friend Chelsi a blessing when she was having some kidney stone pain, and the next day Jaden would come over every so often, put his hands on my head, mumble for a few seconds and end with "name of Jesus Christ, AMEN!" :)

This week we were in the car with the radio on, and after a minute Jaden pipes up with "Mama, nobody can drag Jaden down! ... Nobody can drag mama down!" (We were listening to 'Drag Me Down' by One Direction ps. He listens more than I realize sometimes!)

If I smile or laugh lately, Jaden will kind of giggle and ask, "You funny mama?"

He's growing so much, and I absolutely love to watch his personality develop. I wonder all the time who this cute boy will grow up to be. Hopefully he'll keep his sweet and tender heart forever. :)

Let's talk.

I've read a lot of similar posts in the last yearish... so this makes me feel like I'm totally jumping on the bandwagon.  Bandwagon, blog. Blog, bandwagon. (technically this whole blog was jumping on the bandwagon when blogging started being a big thing sooo... whatever.) Looking back at things, I wish I would have seen more of these honest, raw posts about what motherhood can include. Yes, it's lots of snuggles and smiles and happy tears. No, I wouldn't go back and change it for the world... But, no one told me about how sometimes in the process of becoming a mother, your hormones kick start a whirl wind of deep and intense feelings that you'd pretty much hate with your entire being.  I'm talking about PPD. That ridiculous beast that wants to suck all the precious time out of your days as a new mom.  Looking back, I think I've been frenimies with this beast for a good, long while. It's always seemed like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. After Matt and I got married I think I started on a little down hill, and pregnancy hormones threw it for a loop.  Pregnancy was pregnancy. I cried over Hallmark commercials, and despised the news because those were someone's baby who was hurt/lost/sad/etc.  On March 6, 2014 the sweetest little guy was born, and I hadn't ever felt so much love and concern for a person in my whole entire life! After the first few days I started getting anxious over literally everything. I chalked it up to new mamma bear syndrome, and ignored it for the next three months while it slowly and quietly got bigger and scarier. I got to the point that I'd have anxiety attacks just thinking about leaving the house, or answering the phone. (which seems totally ridiculous because I'm a chatty kathy and I loved getting out of the house before.)  I remember when our family came to visit 2 weeks after Jaden was born, and my mother in law and sister in law took me to get a pedicure. Bless their souls for getting me out of the house, but I was a total disaster. We also went out to dinner, and I think I had seven heart attacks. I tried to just act like everything was normal, but it made me feel sick to be so worried about everything! (I mean everything. Like what if I fell down the stairs and died. What if Jaden's chin was down on his chest and it cut of his airway while we were driving. What if, what if, what if!) Going to visit my parents was similar. I dreaded having anyone knock on the door, or hearing my phone ring, because it made me panic every time. The funniest part to me about all this, is that I didn't clue in on something being off. I honest to goodness felt like this must be my new normal. It just came with being a mom. Finally Matt talked me into calling my OB and talking to him about what I was experiencing. He was so good to listen to my rambles about how I'm suddenly this crazy person shell of who I used to be. We decided to try medication for a while and see if that would help me.  Guys. It was seriously night and day. I cried once it kicked in, because I hadn't realized how bad I was doing until things were better again. I hadn't stopped to realize that I stayed cooped up in the house, and how that wasn't exactly normal. I didn't think anything about not wanting to talk to ANYONE or about how angry I felt all the time. Poor Matt had been taking the brunt of it all, and I didn't even realize how hard it must have been for him too! I had been thinking all sorts of awful things, like how I legitimately felt like my family and friends would be better off if I didn't exist. I never had suicidal plans, I guess I'm blessed to be a chicken. ;) But I did think that I just wished so bad that I never existed. Jaden deserved a better mama who had the energy to play and teach and run around with him. Matt deserved a wife who actually took care of herself and the house, and of Matt for that matter. My friends deserved an actual friend who wasn't so self absorbed with her darkness that she missed their needs.  Suddenly, I could see just how ridiculous those thoughts were. My head was clear, and it was like someone had flipped a light switch back on. Nine months later, we decided to taper off and try going without medicine for a while. Usually with PPD you sort of 'grow out of it'. For a while I did pretty good. Matt had learned about a study in one of his Psych classes about people with milder cases of anxiety/depression benefiting more from exercise than from medication, so I was taking at least 10 minute walks each day.  I figured I was home free! The last few months of taking the medication had been rough, like maybe it just wasn't working for me anymore and I was getting frustrated. This felt so nice to not be taking anything and still feel like a positive person! Turns out my anxiety/depression isn't done with me yet. I still have days that feel so awful that I'm just ready to throw in the towel. And then you know what happens? A new day comes, and I feel like I'm in control of things. I'm ready to climb back out of my hole and start up my progress as an individual.  It's become a cycle now. Crap day, good days that make me think I made up the crap day, more crap days, good days.... I still have days where I think those awful, ridiculous thoughts. The difference now, is that I'm self aware of them, and that I know this isn't something that only I deal with.  That's why I wanted to write this post- as dramatic as it all sounds. ;) Realizing that other people felt exactly like me, and yet being able to see that they were still good people, good wives, good mothers, gave me so much hope! I didn't really tell many people about this, but it's felt kind of nice to be able to be open about it now. I wanted people to know that me ignoring their calls and texts, or flaking out last minute on plans hadn't been personal. I was just having some crazy Shannon moments. ;) So thanks to you guys who have known and have been patient with me. :) I love you all to pieces for it. My mother in law and sister in law posted a quote about Eeyore today, something along the lines of the cool part about Winnie the Pooh is that while Eeyore is obviously gloomy, he still gets invited to participate in things and his friends don't expect him to pretend to be anything. They just love him exactly how he is.  I may or may not have teared up thinking, "Yup. This is my family." :) Matt and I have pretty incredible family and friends and I am so stinkin grateful that we do!  So here's my two cents on all this. First of all, I think that this is going to be a common thing because we're in the last days. I think that lots of people struggle with these kinds of illnesses, and I think that it's awesome that there is more awareness of depression/anxiety. It's like there's a community of people saying, "I understand where you are, and it's doable. We can handle this together." Second. Medicine. I firmly believe that modern medicine is a HUGE blessing from Heavenly Father. Not everyone needs it, but there isn't any shame in letting it help you if you do. I think that Heavenly Father gives us these options so we can be present, and ok in our lives. Maybe you'll take it for a little while until you can get past whatever it is that you're dealing with, and maybe you'll need it long term. Either way is totally ok.  Third, if you're an anti medicine person I know LOTS of people who learn to cope with mood disorders without it. There's exercise and sunshine and lots of prayer. :) All of those are sooo soo helpful.  I hope this isn't a downer post, I didn't want it to be, but I'm not as eloquent as some of you guys. :) Basically I want this to be a post that can be the light bulb for someone else like so many other's posts were for me. :) And if you are feeling stuck in this rut, know that you are far from alone and that life is so so good. It really can get better, because of the Savior and his atonement. The cool thing about the atonement is that it's a twofold blessing. It is what allows us to repent, and it has enabling power to strengthen us so that we can face whatever life brings.  And I would honestly take all of this on again if I had to go back and do it again, if it meant I got to be Jaden babe's mama. He is the stuff of dreams (with occasional tantrum nightmares of course. ;) ) He has been one of my biggest tender mercies, and I wouldn't trade him or those amazing little moments for anything. But, that's another post in and of itself. I'm sure it'll get written eventually.  (If you're on a reading roll now, after my giant ramble, take a second to read this. Because, Elder Holland.)

Jaden Matthew, our little adventure bug

Since discovering chatbooks, I've become a total slacker at blogging. Basically my sole purpose for doing the blog is for my own sentimentality, and it's hard to be sentimental about something that isn't there... so. Here goes.
We've been in Orem for 2 and a half weeks now, and I'm liking it WAY more than I anticipated. I always thought that moving up here would make me feel incapacitated and small the whole time. (For those of you who didn't know already, after Jaden was born I had postpartum anxiety/depression and it hasn't really ever gone completely away. I pretty much turned into an anti-social goob.) I've loved the location of our apartment. We're so close to a lot of great places! We're within walking distance for basically anything I could need, so I'm making it a goal to do more stroller outings this summer while the weather is good. We also discovered we're in ridiculously close proximity to my sister in law, and her two kiddos so I'm sure there will be play dates soon. 
Jaden and I have played with her oldest, Christian, and my mother in law a couple of times this week, because Morgan just had their second baby on Sunday. A beautiful, and dainty little 7 lbs 7 oz girl! Emily is such a sweet, tiny baby! We visited Morgan, Jason and Emily in the hospital Sunday evening, and while I was in heaven holding her, Jaden couldn't have cared less... he just wanted to push all the buttons and pull all the levers within reach. Haha. 
To kind of help me not feel like an anxious beast mother, Matt offered to sign me up for a gym membership since we're so close to one. Normally I wouldn't classify myself as a gym person, but having an hour to myself and being able to work out without worrying about if it's too cold outside for Jaden has been really nice. It's amazing what a little bit of exercise can do. ;)
Matt just started training for his new job yesterday, (at Altaview Hospital in Sandy) and I think he's really going to like it! It's a position as a critical care tech in the ER, so it'll be a nice change of pace from where he's been working as a CNA. Plus it will give him opportunities (hopefully) to shadow some other PA's and get some more letters of recommendation for his applications to grad school. The commute kind of stinks, but he's definitely had worse when he was driving from Springville to Salt Lake the summer before we were married, so he's not complaining. ;)
Jaden has been figuring out so many new things, and I love/hate it! Haha. He's turned into quite a little chatter box, most of the time it's just jibberish but this week he started saying 'dank do' (thank you) and singing along with daddy, 'la la la la'. He has the cutest little voice, I wish I could remember it forever.  Jaden has also figured out the art of climbing. It won't be long before I find him on top of the TV stand, and dressers, I'm sure. He loves walking down the sidewalk with me, because there are a few houses that have dogs right outside and he loves to see them! He'll "woo woo" bark at them and then jump so bad every time the bark back. ;) He's always grinning though, this boy has NO fear. (Which increases his mother's.)
We're loving being close to Matt's side of the family and some friends we haven't seen as much, so I think this year will be one of our favorites! ;) 

some catching up

This sunshiney weather can stay forever if it wants to. If I could kiss the sun I would. The past couple of weeks have had some really nice days, and we've taken full advantage of them! Jaden absolutely LOVES to run around outside. What he doesn't love is that I think I should keep him from, oh ya know, running into the streets or eating lots of small rocks and such. I'm such a party pooper. ;) It really has been so much fun to watch him discover his world... everything is way cooler than I realized. ;) Jaden is a pro at dropping rocks down our grate, and crunching leaves without eating them... which is a big deal for us haha. 
We are officially moving to Orem the day after Matt's graduation, we've got an apartment and a job lined up and so we're stepping out of limbo! (hooray!) Heavenly Father is wonderful, and you'd think after so many experiences like this I'd catch on and have more faith in his timing. ;) Everything has fallen into place with perfect details and timing for us. Looking into new housing up north really made me realize how much I love this home we've lived in for the past 2 1/2 years. I thought I hated our apartment- the walls are THIN, the windows are drafty, and everything shakes if you walk too heavily. But we've got vaulted ceilings, new carpet, updated linoleum, and hookups for a washer and dryer... we have a dishwasher. People. The simple bare necessities. ;)  We are very grateful and excited though- don't get me wrong. I just am going to miss  our first home! This is where we learned how to be a married couple, where we found out we were going to be a mom and dad. It's where Jaden had all his firsts, and where we watched our lives change in huge, amazing ways! This Young Married Ward was something I didn't want at first. When Matt and I got married I wanted to move right into a family ward- and I was a little annoyed Matt wanted to go to another 'glorified college ward'. :p It's been one of the biggest blessings that I've had through the past few years. We have made lots of friends here, and had callings that have had an impact on our lives. Jaden has had cute little buddies in our ward, and we've gone through the craziness of becoming a first time mom (and dad) with these people. I'm going to miss so much about this place!  Of course, I'll probably say that many more times throughout our adventures as a family. We're excited about finding new friends and having another place to fill with memories. :) 
There is one more school left that we're seeeerrriously crossing our fingers to get an interview with, so there might be even more limbo and craziness and adventure in the next year... 
Life is good, and this was a rambly post that probably only really makes sense to me, sorry haha. But here are some pictures from Jaden's afternoon escape the other day to make up for it!  

It wasn't fun enough until you've got dirt everywhere and an exhausted little buddy. ;)

As of late..

I attempted Jaden's second hair cut this week. You can't tell in these pictures but it was another disaster. :) I used scissors. I need to invest in a set of clippers.
Jaden was strapped into his high chair in front of Baby Einsteins, eating a sucker (which he was finishing off in those pictures.) He held still pretty well until I tried to trim around his ears and in the front. He didn't really appreciate me blocking his view of the puppets. ;)

{1.14.15}

Unfortunately now he sort of resembles Lloyd Christmas. Except for WAY cuter. ;) Haha good thing he's not old enough to hate my guts for ruining his hair. 

Matt has been really busy with balancing his full time class schedule, full time work schedule, being first counselor in the bishopric, and taking evening EMT classes 3 nights a week. Honestly I have no idea how he keeps up with everything sometimes, and I'm kind of glad that I get to stay home with our crazy little tornado. :) I might think I want to go to work sometimes, just to get out of the house, but if I had to pick between what I do and what Matt does... well. I'd still be guarding the toilet from toys being tossed in.
When Matt is home though, he and Jaden are pretty good buds. During the day when he's gone Jaden has started to go to the front door and into our room and yell "Dadadada!" :) Sometimes it's cute, and sometimes it's a little heart breaking. (The latter because he'll just look at me and cry when he realizes Matt's not going to open the door.)
I like these handsome boys of mine. :)

What do you mean dinner isn't done yet? ;)

Jaden is hitting this funny phase where he is so stubborn about meal times. He doesn't want to eat baby food. Especially if he can see that we're not eating baby food. ;)
This kid is ready to be a big boy! He only wants to eat finger foods. But also he just really wants to throw finger foods.
He used to like feeding himself with the spoon, but has discovered it's WAY more fun if you take the spoon and shake it until sweet potatoes land on the carpet and walls. ;) Mom's not quite as thrilled by this new trick, but then Jaden smiles and he's not in trouble any more.
Speaking of that- he is SO hard to try and 'discipline'. I know he's still too young to really understand discipline but we've been trying to teach him "no touch" for dangerous things, like hot ovens and outlets. I promise I do my best to keep a straight face and sound stern when I'm telling him "no touch", but he's so stinkin cute. (And determined!)
Jaden will be headed for the heater to unplug it or tip it over, so I'll tell him no and he stops, turns around and smiles at me, and then reaches behind himself to touch it anyway. His little mischievous grin gets me every time and I have the hardest time not laughing. (Which is awful because now he thinks it's a game, haha.)

Haha so over beans. 

 Bath time has been so funny recently too. He is a splashing. machine. I mean I'm in the splash zone unless I'm outside the bathroom doorway. These pictures are from when I was sitting a decent distance away from the tub haha. I can't get too far away though, because someone has figured out how to stand up and lean waaaay over the side of the tub. And try to turn on the faucet. And pull all the soaps down and eat them. ;)
He's a handful, this one. But only in the best way.
He's still a pretty smiley, happy guy. He's only fussy occasionally, and when he is you know something's up.

Stepping off the curb

You know how sometimes you're about to walk into an interview, or your first day of school/work, or to go on a date, or... etc... and you hesitate on that first step? It's a big deal to start walking into that new page of your story. There are butterflies in your stomach, and you have to remember to catch your breath sometimes.  I'm having some serious feelings just like those. Matt and I have been talking about some different ideas that I've had about starting some sort of income from home. I've felt bad that I stopped doing my one day a week at the chiropractor's office, even though that was only bringing in like $20 bucks a week. Matt is the hardest working guy I know, and he doesn't complain about having to be at work every spare moment he has in between juggling school, homework, and his calling in the bishopric. (He follows after his dad that way.) I'm not saying that I have loads of extra time now that I'm just home with Jaden all week- because believe you me, I can definitely stay busy. My project list multiplies faster than it subtracts. My super dude is getting busier by the minute, and the more mobile he gets, the more trouble he finds.
I want to be able to help us out financially and so I've been thinking a lot about what I can do. The past few days I keep thinking of Jamberry... which initially sounds like a terrible idea. I've always been the first person to condemn sales jobs of any sort, but especially the pyramid scheme sort. Matt has always been the second. Imagine my surprise when he was open, and actually encouraging of the idea when I brought it up. (Granted, that may be from his lack of mental clarity from wisdom teeth removals....)  I'm going to try my hand at being a Jamberry Nail Consultant! I'll be starting that the firstish of November, so if anyone is interested in earning some awesome hostess rewards (remember my new wraps I've been posting? Those were all free from hosting a party. :) It was actually really fun too!) then shoot me an email or message on Facebook. (Or insta, or twitter...)  I'm kind of nervous because those of you who know me, know two things about me. I'm occasionally a total pushover, and I'm a HUGE people pleaser. ("Oh, you don't want to buy this awesome NHS membership? That's ok, I don't blame you!" "Hey, no worries, I'd go for the cheaper brand of running shoes too..." "Ya know, I bet you could find something similar at *name of alternate store* for a little bit less...") Hence, my less than enthusiastic outlook for sales.  The thing is, I know I am capable of doing this, and so I am. I've been dying to have some sort of hobby that didn't cost me too much- I guess I've found one that- in theory- will pay me! Three cheers for moneys.   

50 facts about the Coffins :)

1. When we work out Matt would rather do arms, and I'd rather do legs. I guess we balance out :) 2. Matt's favorite Disney Movie is The Jungle Book 3. We get obsessed with intense police-ish shows on Netflix every once in a while and neither of us care when the house is a disaster. It's basically terrible of us. 4. If we're going somewhere in the same car Matt almost always drives. I must be pretty scary. ;)   5. Matt finally has day shifts instead of graveyards, but every time he was gone I watched the Andy Griffith show to fall asleep.  6. We're total sugar-aholics 7. We both love avocado smoothies. We might be some of the only people who do. :p  8. I used to be the sleeping in one in the relationship... then Matt worked noc shifts, and now even though he's on a day shift, he still sleeps way later than I do. :p I feel so productive. (So, that was when I started this post last year... can you say procrastination? Now we're back to him getting up early and me sleeping in. Thanks to partying most of the night with our little buddy.) 9. I absolutely LOVE pictures. I hoard them a little.   10. Matt wants to do an EMT course before PA school   11. Both of us wish we could spend our anniversary in California being beach bums for a few days. :)   12. Both of us loved to road trip to Nebraska to visit our family last Summer!  13. We love Psych!  14. Matt kind of wanted to be a PA in the Airforce, but now I think we're just going to have student loans up to our eyeballs. And try to do a debt repayment program in a rural area to get rid of them. ;) 15. I like chlorine swimming, (no fishies to nibble my toes ;p) and Matt would ten times rather swim in a lake. 16. Matt is a master of sound effects. (is that just a guy thing?) Ask him to be a monkey, I dare you.   17. I have a prejudice against most college athletes. (Sorry guys. The good news is I love the ones in our family and once I get to know people I usually discover that some athletes aren't as obnoxious as I thought.) 18. I have a pet peeve about people being late- myself included. 10 minutes early is on time people! (especially if you have an appointment of some sort) 19. Matt has an excellent memory when it comes to gospel topics in the scriptures.  20. I thought I'd be a bigger worrier as a parent than Matt (and I'll admit, I have my moments) but I think he's got me beat. ;) I think it's cute. 21. After I had Jaden I don't like to watch intense movies/shows as much, but Matt has been into some crazy ones lately- like The Killing, and The Following. I stress too much in them. 22.Matt and I just did the Feel Great in 8 challenge, and loved it! It helped us to kick start some healthy habits and get rid of some bad ones. (For a while at least).  23.Did I already mention that we are Ice Cream Addicts? Like it's a category in the budget. Really. 24.Matt doesn't think we'll end up living in Utah after he's done with school... I'm getting accustomed to the idea, but I still prefer living close to family. :) Our kids need cousins close by! 25. Matt talks in his sleep- generally in Portuguese but lately it's been English... which is way more entertaining. ;) 26.I snore. Kinda bad since being pregnant.  27. Matt is usually the one to make breakfast for us. I'm usually on dinner. 28. Matt quotes Billy Maddison like it's his job... 29. I quote The Grinch, The Princess Bride, and basically all Disney movies. He thinks it's weird usually. ;) 30. I love to read. Mostly brain candy, if we're being honest, but I try to read some educational books now and again. 31.  I'd rather sleep with the air conditioner on, Matt likes the windows open.  32. We have similar high school dating experiences, and neither of us would go back for any amount of money. Ha 33. Matt plays the guitar. Occasionally, anyway. I'd love it if he had more time to just play for me, because... 34. I love the sound of acoustic guitar. It soothes my soul. :p 35. We love Criminal Minds! (But I still can't bring myself to watch the ones with little kids.) 36. Matt's favorite flavor is Cherry. I'm ok with cherry if it's like hard candies... but cherry ice cream or maraschino cherries are so gross! :p 37. My favorite flavor (as of lately) is peach. Especially the peach Italian sodas at Slurp's Up. 38. Matt and I both absolutely LOVED camping at Bear Lake. We'd love to make that a tradition. 39. We have very different tastes in music. Matt doesn't like pretty much all of the music that I loved in high school. He'll tolerate my Michael Buble Pandora station, but he prefers more mainstream stuff. (And all his Portuguese CD's from his mission. ;) ) 40. Matt wants a big dog someday. His favorites are Labs, Great Danes, and Retrievers.  41. I absolutely love chocolate chip cookies and peanut butter cookies. 42. Matt likes snickerdoodles.  43. We both really loved The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.  :) 44. And Divergent. (Until I read the books, and now I'm still flustered with the series. So good! So sad to finish reading them!) 45. Matt's celeb crush is Kierra Knightly... I mean, to each their own. 46. Mine is probably Ryan Reynolds.   47. Matt loves cake. I'd rather eat cupcakes. 
48. I have an obsession with pictures. I love having scrap books and photo albums to thumb through. Pictures are also my favorite decoration. 
49. The first flower(s) Matt gave me was a drawing that he left under my windshield with a note. :) It's probably my favorite.
50. The only books we've ever both read and both liked were the Hunger Games series. (Minus the first one... Matt started reading them with me after we watched the first movie, so he didn't see any need to read the first book. ;) )
Welp. It took me a year to finish this post, but here's my 50 random facts about us.  :) 

Just a little catching up...

Well ladies and gents... we've had a death in our technological family. Matt's laptop has officially eaten the dust. For good this time. (Cue groaning.) Not that I use a laptop at home that often anymore because of smart phones... but now I have no where to dump my pictures and blogging is a pain in the keister to attempt on my phone. Obviously I haven't had the patience to do that. 

So where am I writing from you ask? Well, I'm working at the Chiropractor today. I did last Friday as well- Dr. Williams has called me in to cover for Andrea every now and again and I love it! While I don't think I'd love working full time and leaving my handsome baby every day, it is kind of nice to change things up a little and have something besides bodily functions to talk about in casual conversation. ;) 

Last Friday I was able to do 6 hours, and today I just am working for 3. I'm trying to make sure Jaden can be left with family on days when I cover, but in the future Dr. Williams is ok with me bringing him to the office- which would be kind of an adventure I'm sure. 

Anywho. I guess that summed up my catch up... I'm still dealing with lots of spit up and poopy diapers and I love it. :) Jaden is sooo close to crawling and I'm excited but not sure I'm ready! I need to get baby proofing our apartment ASAP! He's doing lots more giggling and talking. Most days when I set him down in his crib or on a blanket on the floor so I can get some housework done I'll come back into the room to check on him only to hear him babbling to himself contentedly. :) I'm LOVING this stage. 4 months is my new favorite. (Stay tuned for a million other favorites down the road, haha.) 

Matt and I have started doing a "Feel Great in 8" challenge, and we love it. Basically it's a competition designed to help you be more mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy. You get points for writing in a grateful journal each day, for reading scriptures or uplifting literature, for praying/meditating, for eating healthy and for exercising. (And a few more things like service and building family relationships and bonus activities...) It's been fun to have something we do together, we don't really have a lot of hobbies in general, let alone ones we have in common. We've been going 'running' together on the mornings that Matt doesn't work. Even though he's in much better shape and goes faster than I do, it's nice to go to the same place at the same time and have each other to give encouragement. We've also enjoyed finding new snacks and recipes that are healthy. I won't speak for Matt, but I feel SO much better about myself! I feel lighter (like mood wise) and more balanced. I feel like I can accomplish more, and like I'm stronger. :) Plus, a little brag, I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight which is nice because my pants fit again. ;) Part of the challenge is setting goals to reach by the end of the 8 weeks, so Matt's going to run a half-marathon and I'm going to do a 5k. :) We're getting kind of excited for it! Yay for runner's high I guess. ;)

Matt is still staying so busy with his two jobs, Chrysalis and Kolob. He's such a trooper, I know he doesn't especially love either one, but he goes in every day and works so hard to take care of us. :) He's starting to get emails back from Grad Schools letting him know that they've received all his applications, and so now we're just playing the waiting game to hear about interviews.... (Cross your fingers!)

He's also doing great with balancing work and being in the bishopbric. He does a wonderful job. :) I'm so proud of him, I got a winner for sure!

One of these days I'll dump all the pictures I've had piling up... but we're all alive and doing awesome in the mean time. ;) We're getting excited for a camping trip we're going to take to Bear Lake, so there will probably be a big ramble post coming up in the next month. :) 

Happy Summer everyone!

Happy birthday Jaden!

I've had this post in the back of my mind, nagging me, since the day after our little man was born. I want to write down my experience with Jaden's birth before it's faded from my memory. I want to keep everything as vivid to me as it is now, because it truly was one of the most special and incredible events of my entire life. :) (I know. How cliche is that? Buckle up, guys, this post is probably going to be super cliche from start to finish. I used to roll my eyes a little bit at some people's birth stories because they seemed so cheesy and straight from a movie script. Then I had my baby and I understood that you really do whisper happy birthday to your fresh-from-heaven baby, and you really do feel your entire world shift the second you lay eyes on that precious, perfect tiny person that you've been carrying for the past 9 months. Anyway. Before I just write this whole post in parenthesis...) Last Monday (the 3rd) my braxton-hicks contractions made a change. They were definitely way more uncomfortable and coming at more regular intervals. Despite my swearing up and down that I wasn't going to be that girl who gets her hopes up and dies of impatience when her baby doesn't come early or exactly on time.... I was that girl. Especially when Monday night brought about an hours worth of 6 minute apart contractions. I couldn't decide if I should wake Matt up or not, and I eventually decided on trying to get a little bit of sleep before they got to be 5 minutes apart. When I woke up it was Tuesday morning and there were no contractions happening.  Seriously. I know, right? Tuesday mid-morning/afternoon my contractions were back and coming every 10-ish minutes. All day. So then of course I'm thinking, "Now I'm in labor! We're going to have a baby by tonight!"  Of course, no such luck.  Then I'm thinking that these stupid contractions had better be doing something at least, because they hurt. Matt was good to stay home with me as much as he could Monday and Tuesday (well... and Wednesday and Thursday.) so I didn't have to be home dying of waiting and contractions by myself. He was also really good to remind me that, yes I really would have the baby soon, and yes it was ok if Jaden wasn't early. So he did his homework and I breathed through the really painful contractions, and we waited some more.  Tuesday night I was still having contractions every 10 minutes and they were getting stronger and more difficult to deal with. At that point though, I decided I totally wasn't in labor. I wasn't ever going to have a baby, and I probably was going to really and truly have to wait until the 12th to be induced. I hopped in the shower for the second time that day and just soaked in the hot water while I tried to tell myself to be patient. :p I hated going to bed because I knew I wouldn't sleep much because the contractions woke me up, and because I may or may not have been a little high strung about waiting until our baby decided to come. :) But, Matt said our family prayers, and it helped me feel better. (He said a lot of our prayers last week, because I always like it better if he says our prayers when I'm sick or upset or something. I can't explain exactly why, but he just always has a way of making me feel better just through watching his faith.) Wednesday morning the contractions were getting closer, but still weren't five minutes apart so Matt headed off to classes and I started to do some dishes. And vacuum. And do a load of laundry. And try really hard to remember that all my housework wasn't going to work and I was going to have to be induced. Halfway through doing the dishes I couldn't handle being up for every contraction (but still told myself- and believed it- that I wasn't in labor. Can you say denial?) so I got out my addresses, and a movie, and started writing Thank You cards. I didn't really watch most of the movie, because every time a contraction came I had to just close my eyes and breathe and try not to get really tense. (The chiropractor lady I went to had told me if you relax it lets things progress faster... so I may have been desperately clinging to that piece of information. :p)  My mom had been texting to check in on me and see how I was doing, and she must have known I was dying from being home alone and frustrated and in pain because she offered to bring Matt and I whatever sounded good, and a hug. Matt was in a meeting until around 6-6:30 so she visited for a few minutes and suggested that I go to Labor and Delivery and have them check me.  I was thinking, "Yeah, let's go to the hospital!" mixed with "I'm just being a wimp, there's no way I'm in labor, they'll send me home and I'll have to punch someone in the face." (Guys... after three days of being so sure I was in labor and going to have a baby any second, plus three days of feeling pretty miserable, I was a little on the ornery side. Not that you could tell or anything. ;) ) I send Matt a text, and asked him to come home sooner because my Mom brought us dinner and that she thought we should go in and have things checked out tonight.  He got home a little after six, and my mom gave us hugs and headed home. I asked Matt what he thought about going to the hospital and he agreed with my mom. The worst thing that could come of it was that they'd send us home but then at least we'd know if I was progressing or not, and get more specific instructions for when we should come in for real.  We finished our Arctic Circle hamburgers (and I ended up giving Matt most of my fries, because I was feeling too nauseous to eat), and put some coats and shoes on and headed into the hospital around seven. I decided to leave all our bags at the house because I was 90% sure we wouldn't need them. When we walked in, they took us to a room, and handed me a gown to put on over my shirt. Our nurse, Cheryl, asked me if my water had broken and I told her I wasn't sure but I didn't think so. (Which sounds funny, but I had thought that it had the week before and so Dr. Gatherum had checked and ruled it out.) She decided to do a swab and test, to make sure and then she'd check to see if I had dilated any further. When she told me that my water had ruptured, she said she was pretty sure they'd be admitting me either way because we didn't know how long ago it had ruptured and there was a risk for infection. They were also a little bit concerned about my blood pressure being high, and the possibility of preeclampsia. When she checked for dilation I was at a little over a 5 and 70% effaced. (I had been stuck at a 2-3 for the past two weeks so I was actually really surprised. Even though I'd been having contractions for three days. Haha, good grief Shannon, shouldn't you know when you're having a baby?) She had me go get completely changed into the gown, and kept monitoring the baby's heartbeat and my contractions. Cheryl told me I could get the epidural anytime I wanted now, and initially I told her I'd wait a little bit. I figured I'd been dealing with the contractions all week so far and I could totally do this a little longer. Then I had a HUGE contraction that lasted for 3 minutes and I changed my mind. Pretty quickly. :p Matt was sitting on the couch letting everyone know that we were going to be admitted, and I was just looking around the room in denial that we were really here. I remember feeling lots of butterflies and I wasn't sure if they were the good kind or bad kind. Childbirth sounds scary, and here I was hours away from it!  Earlier Wednesday, my dad called me and said he had a water meeting to go to in Hatch, and wondered if I thought he'd be ok going. I told him the baby wasn't going to get here any time soon so he should go. We called him and he was just about on his way home so he figured he'd be there in an hourish. I wanted him to be there to help Matt give me a blessing before I had Jaden, so Matt decided to wait to give me a blessing until my dad got there.  Since they were worried about infection they started me on pitocin at the same time that they got the epidural going. Matt watched and said it's pretty crazy, but I told the anestesiologist I didn't want to see the needle or anything before it was all done. :p So Cheryl came and held my hand while Matt watched, and before I knew what was happening it was over! The hardest part about the epidural was that you have to sit on the edge of the bed hunched over, and I felt like I was going to fall off. :) I didn't even know when he was putting the needle in! After that it was super easy, and went by super fast. Cheryl had kept saying that maybe we'd have a baby by midnight, but 11:30 came and went and she had just barely started having me do practice pushes. And they weren't doing a whole lot. Around midnight is when we really started doing pushes, and I was honestly surprised at how tiring it is. I kept wondering when she was going to call Dr. Gatherum, but she didn't need to until almost an hour later. At this point my epidural was wearing off just enough that I could really feel everything that was going on, but I wasn't in any pain. It was kind of nice because then I felt like I was more involved with it and could feel when I needed to push. After Dr. Gatherum got there it went really quickly.  I don't think I will ever forget the way I felt when I heard that first little squeaky cry. :) There was a huge flood of relief and an overwhelming feeling of love. When they put this tiny perfect body on my chest and I finally got to see our son, it was the most amazing feeling in the world. I wish that there were words to do it justice, because I'm afraid eventually I won't remember and feel it as vividly as I did and do now. The spirit is so strong in the room when your baby is born. It was like only Matt, Jaden and I were there. Everything else seemed to fade into the background and all I could do was cry and laugh and caress that tiny little face and all his perfect little features. Ever since Grandpa Wallace passed away, we've all talked about how Jaden was up there getting instructions from 'Poppa Wallace' before coming down to our family, and how maybe Grandpa would get to bring him down to us. I don't know what the Church's doctrine is on that sort of thing, but I definitely feel like Grandpa was close when Jaden was born. It just felt like he was there with us. :) And in this past week being home and adjusting to having a baby, there have been a few different times that I just felt like Grandpa was close by for a moment. :)
After they got him all weighed and wiped off, they brought him over to me to try and feed him. :) He did pretty good, but they hadn't put him in a diaper yet, so when I handed him to Matt to snuggle before he gave Jaden his first bath we noticed that Jaden had pooped all over. Haha, all over my hospital gown, all over my hand, and his blanket... poor kid. Being a baby is rough. :p It was so sweet to watch Matt give Jaden his bath and hold him and snuggle him up. I was dying to get my hands on my baby, but I couldn't bring myself to tell Matt I wanted him back. :) I just soaked in watching my incredible husband with our perfect little boy. 
Like I said earlier, I used to roll my eyes at all the cliche things girls said after they had their baby. Including when they'd say that they would give birth every day if they could, they wished they could go back and do it again. I thought, 'Are you insane?? You want to go through the pain over again?' Karma is funny, because now I'm that girl. I wish so bad sometimes that I could go back in time and take it all in again. I want to go back to the feeling of relief and joy when I finally had my baby boy on my chest and heard him cry. I want to feel the quiet but strong spirit that fills the room when a baby is born. And I want to see that sweet look on Matt's face forever. :) I've absolutely loved watching him become a dad, it's one of the most amazing shifts in our relationship that I've experienced. I love Matt at least ten times more as I watch how much he loves our son. :)  All in all we adore being parents. Matt has been wonderful to be on diaper duty- even in the middle of the night- and to get up and help me get situated to feed Jaden. Jaden has been such a calm baby, we're thinking we really lucked out and were blessed with an easy first baby to break us in. ;) He only ever really cries hard when we'd change his wet diapers at first when he was still sore from his circumcision. (Which I hated. I didn't even want to touch his diaper because I hated seeing him in pain. This being a parent stuff can be a little heart-wrenching.) We've given him a couple of sponge baths, just to wash his hair and his little bottom, and the first one we did I held Jaden while Matt washed him. Well Jaden must have been inspired by the warm water because he peed and pooped all over the place! It was so funny, he just had this sweet little look on his face too, as if he knows he can pretty much do anything and we think it's adorable. ;)  Feeding him has been frustrating at times- breast feeding seems like it should be easy, right? And you think your baby is just born with the perfect eating skills, but I've realized that neither one of us know what we're doing and so it takes a lot of patience and practice. Whenever I feel frustrated or discouraged about it, though, Jaden just looks at me with his sweet little expression and I just feel so much better. Being a mom is one of the most rewarding things in my life already and it's only been a week. :) Anyway. We love our 'super dude' (dad's nickname for him :) ) more than we ever realized was possible. We're excited for all of the next phases, but we're definitely trying to soak in every minute of him being this little.  We're so thankful that Heavenly Father sent Jaden to our home, and that he is perfect and healthy and happy. :)  We love you, sweet boy!
(Hang tight, here's my picture overload. But really, who's surprised?)

I loved seeing this little bed, and knowing that in a few hours the baby that I'd been carrying for the past nine months would be laying in that bed. :) It's kind of a strange thought while he's still on the inside, but so exciting. :)

We absolutely loved Cheryl. :) I want to go back and find her and give her a big hug. :p

I'm so not glamorous, but I wanted to remember everything.

Poor Matt was running on straight adrenaline and caffeine. ;)

Jaden Matthew Coffin. Born March 6, 2014 at 1:07 AM. 8 lbs 19.5 inches long

Absolute best moment of our lives. :) 

Dad's balloon and 'masculine' flowers. ;) He's always told me that he loves me more, and I'd try to argue it. Now I understand. :) 

We decided they look kind of like Grandpa Wallace flowers

I just love his sweet little face. He has such an easy going personality, and such a happy content little face. :)

This is a yawn, not a cry. :)

Seriously, these boys melt my heart. :)

He's not a huge fan of his swing yet. :p

Four generations :)