Chicken Quinoa Soup

As I was in a mild panic trying to figure out the classic question at our house: "What's for dinner?" I thought I'd make some chicken and quinoa and have a side of veggies.  The problem, though, is that it had done some rain/snowing today; and between a constant stream of toddler tantrums and not feeling very good, I needed some comfort food. Namely soup. So I started to change my plan for chicken noodle soup, only to realize I didn't have any noodles.  ... People do chicken and rice in soups, right? Why not quinoa? I decided to do something dangerous, and experiment. If you've ever eaten at my house (or just know me in general) you know that my experiments are very hit and miss. The marvelous inventions I dream up in my head don't always make it through my fingers into the same thing.  Matt, and Jaden were relieved that this was one of the hits instead of the misses. ;)

Chicken Quinoa Soup

2 C. quinoa (any kind would work, but I used white quinoa) 2-3 medium Chicken breasts, diced 1 1/2 C. shredded carrots 1/2  yellow onion, diced 3 medium red potatoes, diced 1-2 stalks of celery, diced 1 C. baby spinach 4 C. chicken broth 1 1/2 C. cream (this is optional, but it's REALLY good) Olive Oil 2 tsp. salt 2 tsp. pepper 2 tsp. garlic salt 1 tsp. Cajun seasoning (optional) (I prefer to dice everything into pretty small pieces, but it'd be good as a more chunky, hearty soup too.)
Cook your quinoa and set aside. (I used chicken broth (not included in the 4 C.) instead of water to add flavor to the quinoa. You don't have to, but I think it helps blend all the flavors together.)
Saute onions in the bottom of a soup pot with a little bit of olive oil for about 5 minutes or until tender.  Add diced chicken and season with salt, pepper, garlic salt and Cajun seasoning. Continue to saute until the chicken is cooked through. Add carrots, potatoes, celery and olive oil as needed. Saute until vegetables are tender. Pour Chicken broth in, and add quinoa. Bring to a low boil.  You'll need to temper the cream/milk before adding it to the soup so that it doesn't curdle. There are two options for doing this. 1- Place the cream in a separate sauce pan, and heat on low-medium, stirring constantly, to 194 degrees F, before adding it to the soup. The cream will be hot, but not boiling.
2- Temper the cream by placing it in a separate bowl, and slowly adding about 1/2 C. of your soup to the cream while stirring constantly. Once the cream and soup have been mixed, the cream will be heated from the soup and will be safe to add to the entire pot.
Serve hot, (with rolls!)

the shannon list

Today is my three year anniversary of being married to my best friend. :) Three years doesn't always seem like a long time. But in some ways it seems like a very long time. For example, the Shannon from three years ago sometimes seems like a completely different person than the Shannon today. Dramatic, maybe, but stay with me. 
Three years ago I was getting up every morning and getting ready, leaving the house and doing something I loved. I was sitting through classes learning about being a Pharmacy Technician, I was singing in the car between Cedar and St. George, and I was going to work where I had full conversations with adults. ;)  Three years ago I was fitting into my pants, wearing cute outfits (with no worries of having food/snot/slobber smeared all over them within five minutes) and going out on dates with Matt doing whatever we wanted to do, whenever we wanted. We had game nights with friends at the last minute, without having to plan days in advance. I was playing music more often, I was taking notes in church, I was going on picture taking sprees, I was cooking exciting meals... I was positive, and smiling, and friendly to everyone without being worried about people's intentions (or being anxious about all the stupid little things that could possibly happen.) I read books, and made crafts, and tried new hair styles or makeup. I was a different version of myself then. 
Shannon now isn't a bad person, or a lesser version. But I start feeling lost and ordinary sometimes. There are days where I feel like I am totally and completely replaceable, because there isn't anything about me that makes me special. I don't stand out, I'm just a warm body. (Which, I know, isn't true.)
Today as I thought about my relationship with Matt, I felt sad for him. I haven't put a whole lot of effort into keeping myself up for a while. Not in ways that are going to last...  I got caught up in trying to keep myself 'perfect' physically... working out obsessively in order to reach a certain number, doing like three facials a day so that my skin would magically transform into an airbrushed look. Things that aren't realistically going to help me find me. Things that won't last forever.  So today with all this in mind I sat down and I made a list. 

Jaden made his own list too. ;)

I read over my list and thought about what I was saying. My list began with me thinking of myself, of what I wished I had the time to do... and ended with me thinking of Jaden and what I want him to learn because of what I learn. 

Between making peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and playing with boats in the bathtub I realized something.

I'm not 'ordinary' because of what I'm not accomplishing in regards to artistic things or creative designs. In fact, I'm not ordinary at all. I've just lost perspective because I've let myself get caught up in what society is feeding us. 

What I miss about Shannon from 3 years ago isn't that I was good at making cute lettering signs, or that I was a photographer. I miss who I saw in myself, because of the way I was prioritizing. 

When I got a moment to myself I pulled out the journals...

I realized that who I'm seeing now isn't who others have seen. 

 I realized that Matt wasn't attracted to me because I was a super model with all of these great accomplishments. Matt asked me on a date, and to the temple, because of light that came from what I was immersed in.

 I realized that I'm not the only one to have felt this way. And that my God will be my support. I love the end of verse 19, "... nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted." I do know, and I also know that those who trust in God always come through things stronger than they began.

 I realized that to become who I desire others to see me as, I need to know God. The fastest way to do that is to learn to love the way that He does- through service.

 I also realized that it isn't anyone here that's making me feel inferior, it's when I'm letting the adversary tell me that I'm not enough. It's when I forget that I have a role here and now, that I'm able to do because of who I have the potential to be. I have the potential to be that person I long to see in myself, because of Christ's teachings.

 I realized that 3-years-ago-Shannon was onto something with journaling. I may not have as many options for time to write during the day, but I do have time, and I can make time to record things. I get to choose how I remember these days, and how these days go. (Well, positive or negative wise.) If I want to accomplish all those things on my "to be" list, I need to write down the pathway between where I'm at now, and where I hope I'll eventually be as a person.

 Truly, writing is therapeutic for me, and always has been. I literally have an entire tote in my parent's garage filled with notebooks that I used as a friend/confidant/escape for years. (Some I think maybe need to accidentally fall into the garbage, because they're full of angst-y teenage drama that I think I wouldn't mind forgetting. ;) )

I guess what I'm getting at here, is that it's ok to feel lost in yourself; and it's ok to have a 'you' list filled with things that make you feel alive. It's not selfish, it's self preserving. I am a better wife and mother if I've been able to do something restorative for myself during the day. 20 minutes of exercise, or 10 of reading a book. Writing in my blog, or taking pictures that make me excited to post them. Things that make me feel like I am more than just a warm body filling a position. Things that make me feel like me. 

Now, if you noticed the last little item on my list, it was to use my social media accounts to lift. I want to be the person that others see on facebook and stop to read what I've posted because they leave feeling lighter. I want to be someone that others can find hope through.
So maybe this post was just for me to reaffirm what I've been realizing today, but maybe it was for someone else too. :)

We don't have to be pinterest wives and moms to be good wives and moms. There is someone who needs you over anyone else because you are you.

And now I'm going to go snuggle my person. :) Before I waste any more time feeling like I need to revamp myself to be any better at snuggling my baby.

Let's talk.

I've read a lot of similar posts in the last yearish... so this makes me feel like I'm totally jumping on the bandwagon.  Bandwagon, blog. Blog, bandwagon. (technically this whole blog was jumping on the bandwagon when blogging started being a big thing sooo... whatever.) Looking back at things, I wish I would have seen more of these honest, raw posts about what motherhood can include. Yes, it's lots of snuggles and smiles and happy tears. No, I wouldn't go back and change it for the world... But, no one told me about how sometimes in the process of becoming a mother, your hormones kick start a whirl wind of deep and intense feelings that you'd pretty much hate with your entire being.  I'm talking about PPD. That ridiculous beast that wants to suck all the precious time out of your days as a new mom.  Looking back, I think I've been frenimies with this beast for a good, long while. It's always seemed like I've been on an emotional roller coaster. After Matt and I got married I think I started on a little down hill, and pregnancy hormones threw it for a loop.  Pregnancy was pregnancy. I cried over Hallmark commercials, and despised the news because those were someone's baby who was hurt/lost/sad/etc.  On March 6, 2014 the sweetest little guy was born, and I hadn't ever felt so much love and concern for a person in my whole entire life! After the first few days I started getting anxious over literally everything. I chalked it up to new mamma bear syndrome, and ignored it for the next three months while it slowly and quietly got bigger and scarier. I got to the point that I'd have anxiety attacks just thinking about leaving the house, or answering the phone. (which seems totally ridiculous because I'm a chatty kathy and I loved getting out of the house before.)  I remember when our family came to visit 2 weeks after Jaden was born, and my mother in law and sister in law took me to get a pedicure. Bless their souls for getting me out of the house, but I was a total disaster. We also went out to dinner, and I think I had seven heart attacks. I tried to just act like everything was normal, but it made me feel sick to be so worried about everything! (I mean everything. Like what if I fell down the stairs and died. What if Jaden's chin was down on his chest and it cut of his airway while we were driving. What if, what if, what if!) Going to visit my parents was similar. I dreaded having anyone knock on the door, or hearing my phone ring, because it made me panic every time. The funniest part to me about all this, is that I didn't clue in on something being off. I honest to goodness felt like this must be my new normal. It just came with being a mom. Finally Matt talked me into calling my OB and talking to him about what I was experiencing. He was so good to listen to my rambles about how I'm suddenly this crazy person shell of who I used to be. We decided to try medication for a while and see if that would help me.  Guys. It was seriously night and day. I cried once it kicked in, because I hadn't realized how bad I was doing until things were better again. I hadn't stopped to realize that I stayed cooped up in the house, and how that wasn't exactly normal. I didn't think anything about not wanting to talk to ANYONE or about how angry I felt all the time. Poor Matt had been taking the brunt of it all, and I didn't even realize how hard it must have been for him too! I had been thinking all sorts of awful things, like how I legitimately felt like my family and friends would be better off if I didn't exist. I never had suicidal plans, I guess I'm blessed to be a chicken. ;) But I did think that I just wished so bad that I never existed. Jaden deserved a better mama who had the energy to play and teach and run around with him. Matt deserved a wife who actually took care of herself and the house, and of Matt for that matter. My friends deserved an actual friend who wasn't so self absorbed with her darkness that she missed their needs.  Suddenly, I could see just how ridiculous those thoughts were. My head was clear, and it was like someone had flipped a light switch back on. Nine months later, we decided to taper off and try going without medicine for a while. Usually with PPD you sort of 'grow out of it'. For a while I did pretty good. Matt had learned about a study in one of his Psych classes about people with milder cases of anxiety/depression benefiting more from exercise than from medication, so I was taking at least 10 minute walks each day.  I figured I was home free! The last few months of taking the medication had been rough, like maybe it just wasn't working for me anymore and I was getting frustrated. This felt so nice to not be taking anything and still feel like a positive person! Turns out my anxiety/depression isn't done with me yet. I still have days that feel so awful that I'm just ready to throw in the towel. And then you know what happens? A new day comes, and I feel like I'm in control of things. I'm ready to climb back out of my hole and start up my progress as an individual.  It's become a cycle now. Crap day, good days that make me think I made up the crap day, more crap days, good days.... I still have days where I think those awful, ridiculous thoughts. The difference now, is that I'm self aware of them, and that I know this isn't something that only I deal with.  That's why I wanted to write this post- as dramatic as it all sounds. ;) Realizing that other people felt exactly like me, and yet being able to see that they were still good people, good wives, good mothers, gave me so much hope! I didn't really tell many people about this, but it's felt kind of nice to be able to be open about it now. I wanted people to know that me ignoring their calls and texts, or flaking out last minute on plans hadn't been personal. I was just having some crazy Shannon moments. ;) So thanks to you guys who have known and have been patient with me. :) I love you all to pieces for it. My mother in law and sister in law posted a quote about Eeyore today, something along the lines of the cool part about Winnie the Pooh is that while Eeyore is obviously gloomy, he still gets invited to participate in things and his friends don't expect him to pretend to be anything. They just love him exactly how he is.  I may or may not have teared up thinking, "Yup. This is my family." :) Matt and I have pretty incredible family and friends and I am so stinkin grateful that we do!  So here's my two cents on all this. First of all, I think that this is going to be a common thing because we're in the last days. I think that lots of people struggle with these kinds of illnesses, and I think that it's awesome that there is more awareness of depression/anxiety. It's like there's a community of people saying, "I understand where you are, and it's doable. We can handle this together." Second. Medicine. I firmly believe that modern medicine is a HUGE blessing from Heavenly Father. Not everyone needs it, but there isn't any shame in letting it help you if you do. I think that Heavenly Father gives us these options so we can be present, and ok in our lives. Maybe you'll take it for a little while until you can get past whatever it is that you're dealing with, and maybe you'll need it long term. Either way is totally ok.  Third, if you're an anti medicine person I know LOTS of people who learn to cope with mood disorders without it. There's exercise and sunshine and lots of prayer. :) All of those are sooo soo helpful.  I hope this isn't a downer post, I didn't want it to be, but I'm not as eloquent as some of you guys. :) Basically I want this to be a post that can be the light bulb for someone else like so many other's posts were for me. :) And if you are feeling stuck in this rut, know that you are far from alone and that life is so so good. It really can get better, because of the Savior and his atonement. The cool thing about the atonement is that it's a twofold blessing. It is what allows us to repent, and it has enabling power to strengthen us so that we can face whatever life brings.  And I would honestly take all of this on again if I had to go back and do it again, if it meant I got to be Jaden babe's mama. He is the stuff of dreams (with occasional tantrum nightmares of course. ;) ) He has been one of my biggest tender mercies, and I wouldn't trade him or those amazing little moments for anything. But, that's another post in and of itself. I'm sure it'll get written eventually.  (If you're on a reading roll now, after my giant ramble, take a second to read this. Because, Elder Holland.)

Jaden Matthew, our little adventure bug

Since discovering chatbooks, I've become a total slacker at blogging. Basically my sole purpose for doing the blog is for my own sentimentality, and it's hard to be sentimental about something that isn't there... so. Here goes.
We've been in Orem for 2 and a half weeks now, and I'm liking it WAY more than I anticipated. I always thought that moving up here would make me feel incapacitated and small the whole time. (For those of you who didn't know already, after Jaden was born I had postpartum anxiety/depression and it hasn't really ever gone completely away. I pretty much turned into an anti-social goob.) I've loved the location of our apartment. We're so close to a lot of great places! We're within walking distance for basically anything I could need, so I'm making it a goal to do more stroller outings this summer while the weather is good. We also discovered we're in ridiculously close proximity to my sister in law, and her two kiddos so I'm sure there will be play dates soon. 
Jaden and I have played with her oldest, Christian, and my mother in law a couple of times this week, because Morgan just had their second baby on Sunday. A beautiful, and dainty little 7 lbs 7 oz girl! Emily is such a sweet, tiny baby! We visited Morgan, Jason and Emily in the hospital Sunday evening, and while I was in heaven holding her, Jaden couldn't have cared less... he just wanted to push all the buttons and pull all the levers within reach. Haha. 
To kind of help me not feel like an anxious beast mother, Matt offered to sign me up for a gym membership since we're so close to one. Normally I wouldn't classify myself as a gym person, but having an hour to myself and being able to work out without worrying about if it's too cold outside for Jaden has been really nice. It's amazing what a little bit of exercise can do. ;)
Matt just started training for his new job yesterday, (at Altaview Hospital in Sandy) and I think he's really going to like it! It's a position as a critical care tech in the ER, so it'll be a nice change of pace from where he's been working as a CNA. Plus it will give him opportunities (hopefully) to shadow some other PA's and get some more letters of recommendation for his applications to grad school. The commute kind of stinks, but he's definitely had worse when he was driving from Springville to Salt Lake the summer before we were married, so he's not complaining. ;)
Jaden has been figuring out so many new things, and I love/hate it! Haha. He's turned into quite a little chatter box, most of the time it's just jibberish but this week he started saying 'dank do' (thank you) and singing along with daddy, 'la la la la'. He has the cutest little voice, I wish I could remember it forever.  Jaden has also figured out the art of climbing. It won't be long before I find him on top of the TV stand, and dressers, I'm sure. He loves walking down the sidewalk with me, because there are a few houses that have dogs right outside and he loves to see them! He'll "woo woo" bark at them and then jump so bad every time the bark back. ;) He's always grinning though, this boy has NO fear. (Which increases his mother's.)
We're loving being close to Matt's side of the family and some friends we haven't seen as much, so I think this year will be one of our favorites! ;) 

Moving! ... and our new home.

 Moving day came up out of nowhere (well, that's how it seemed anyway.) That weekend was nuts, we finished up all the celebrations for Matt's graduation and then got started with the last minute packing. Saturday morning we got up bright and early, Mike G., Vicki, Mike C., Jennifer, and my dad came to help us out. (Which I am insanely grateful for!) Everything moved so fast that morning, everyone was so amazing! I had been packing boxes a little at a time a weekish before, so that helped out with stress levels. As I was about to head out to take an air mattress and some blankets back to my mom's house, Jaden decided to do what I had been dreading since the minute he took his first step. Every time our front door opened, Jaden would high tail it to freedom. I was always so scared he would tumble down our three cement steps, so of course he had to cross that off his list on our very last day at that home. It scared all of us to death, but within a few minutes he was acting just fine again... kids. Right? ;)
Anyway... we finished cleaning, and loading the trucks and trailer and then caravan-ed to Orem. Mallorie and Reed rode in the car with Jaden and I, so I didn't have time to get too weepy over it all. :) It made the drive lots more fun to have someone to visit with!
Un-packing went by pretty quickly too, at least for me I guess. I felt bad that I didn't do more to help in Cedar and up here. After Jaden's tumble I think we were a little bit paranoid, so I stuck pretty close to Jaden.
We are so blessed to have so many awesome people who are willing to help us out and be our support system! I've loved being up here closer with Matt's side of our family, since we haven't always been able to see them as often. :)
Since moving up here we've had some fun evenings at Matt and Mallorie's/Dan and Heather's, and at Grandma Wilde's. I'm slowly getting used to driving with the extra traffic and lanes. ;)
We really like our new apartment, much more than I had thought we would. It is a little smaller in ways, but has more storage areas. It seems quieter than our old apartment, and we live so close to a lot of fun places!
Anyway... here's the pictures, I wish I would have taken more the day we were moving, but here's what I've got! :)

Playing in the sprinklers at our new home!

Our room, obviously. I love my new bedding I got for my birthday! Now I just want to find a longer bed skirt to cover everything we're storing under the bed. I finally convinced Matt to get the risers for our bed so that we could hide our junk store things out of sight. ;)

Jaden babe's room! Eventually we'll put one of the rocking chairs in there, but for now he has tons of room to make messes. ;)

Kitchen!

aaand the bathroom. Sink.
I'd show you the actual bathroom but it's so small I couldn't really get a picture of it through the doorway anyway.
What you should know is that the toilet and tub match that very lovely pink sink. ;) We're stylin around here.

some catching up

This sunshiney weather can stay forever if it wants to. If I could kiss the sun I would. The past couple of weeks have had some really nice days, and we've taken full advantage of them! Jaden absolutely LOVES to run around outside. What he doesn't love is that I think I should keep him from, oh ya know, running into the streets or eating lots of small rocks and such. I'm such a party pooper. ;) It really has been so much fun to watch him discover his world... everything is way cooler than I realized. ;) Jaden is a pro at dropping rocks down our grate, and crunching leaves without eating them... which is a big deal for us haha. 
We are officially moving to Orem the day after Matt's graduation, we've got an apartment and a job lined up and so we're stepping out of limbo! (hooray!) Heavenly Father is wonderful, and you'd think after so many experiences like this I'd catch on and have more faith in his timing. ;) Everything has fallen into place with perfect details and timing for us. Looking into new housing up north really made me realize how much I love this home we've lived in for the past 2 1/2 years. I thought I hated our apartment- the walls are THIN, the windows are drafty, and everything shakes if you walk too heavily. But we've got vaulted ceilings, new carpet, updated linoleum, and hookups for a washer and dryer... we have a dishwasher. People. The simple bare necessities. ;)  We are very grateful and excited though- don't get me wrong. I just am going to miss  our first home! This is where we learned how to be a married couple, where we found out we were going to be a mom and dad. It's where Jaden had all his firsts, and where we watched our lives change in huge, amazing ways! This Young Married Ward was something I didn't want at first. When Matt and I got married I wanted to move right into a family ward- and I was a little annoyed Matt wanted to go to another 'glorified college ward'. :p It's been one of the biggest blessings that I've had through the past few years. We have made lots of friends here, and had callings that have had an impact on our lives. Jaden has had cute little buddies in our ward, and we've gone through the craziness of becoming a first time mom (and dad) with these people. I'm going to miss so much about this place!  Of course, I'll probably say that many more times throughout our adventures as a family. We're excited about finding new friends and having another place to fill with memories. :) 
There is one more school left that we're seeeerrriously crossing our fingers to get an interview with, so there might be even more limbo and craziness and adventure in the next year... 
Life is good, and this was a rambly post that probably only really makes sense to me, sorry haha. But here are some pictures from Jaden's afternoon escape the other day to make up for it!  

It wasn't fun enough until you've got dirt everywhere and an exhausted little buddy. ;)

So I might be obsessed with masks....

I've always liked doing a little pampering now and then, and this past year I've re-discovered how much I like it. :) I got a little hooked on Perfectly Posh, but Matt doesn't appreciate spending $20 on skin care things as much as I do. ;) Luckily Posh lasts practically FOREVER. I still have my 'Stripper' detox mask and my BFF face wash from like Julyish when I hosted a party. :)  I wanted to find something to use in between my Posh stuff, so I can make things last a little longer.
I found this mask on pinterest. And I might really like it. :)
(mask credit here:p )
"Burning Mask" (encouraging name, right?) You mix together:  1/2 tsp cinnamon 1/2 tsp nutmeg 1 tsp honey (raw is better) 2 tsp fresh lemon juice. (Or, ya know... the lime juice you have in your fridge. I had to add a little more cinnamon and nutmeg to make the mixture into a paste, I think if you had fresh lemon juice you could use a little less. Lemon is more potent than lime.)
It should look like a thick paste, and I found that its easier to apply the paste with a brush (or if you're cheap like me, the back of a spoon) 
Apply and let the mask sit for 30 minutes (10 if you don't want to deal with the burn. It's called a burning mask for a reason. ;) ) It only burned for the first few minutes for me, and then after that it didn't bother me at all.  Rinse the mask off with warm water and moisturize.  (If you have sensitive skin, you should leave out or dilute the lemon. You'll need to add a little more honey to make the mixture paste-y. DON'T use this mask to exfoliate your skin.)

Another bonus of this mask is that you look really fabulous with it on. ;) Matt said
it looked like I had a weird creature's snot on my face. (Leave it to Matt to make
things really... appealing. :/ ) ;)

I feel like my skin looks more even already and it's been a week and a half. I've only used the mask every other day too. :) Hooray for cheaper alternatives!! (Oh. And I cut the recipe in half, and I still have at least 2 more masks in it. I keep it in an air tight container in the fridge. :) )

All boy, this one...

Tonight I took Bri back to my mom's house after she watched Jaden so I could go to the dentist. (Side note... I hate dentists still. Mainly because the sound of high pitched water picks and metal scraping my teeth makes me want to cry.) Matt's been doing his EMT class, or working, every evening so Jaden and I decided to hang out at grandma's for a while.
My mom and I were talking in the front room while Jaden wandered around the house yelling jibberish at the top of his lungs, when all of a sudden things got really quiet in the kitchen. Which we should all know is a very bad sign. :p 

I went in to check on him and saw a cute little bum squatting in the corner.... right where the dog food dish is. (ohcrapohcrapohcrapohcrap)

Low and behold, the child has three pieces of crunchy-delicious dog food in his mouth, and he's smiling from ear to ear. His hand may or may not have been on its way to his mouth with another handful of K-9 crunchies. ;) 

This is pretty much what I looked like...

Right before I laughed my guts out. ;) Parenting at it's finest ladies and gents. At. It's. Finest.