#2 out of 30 things series...

The second 'assignment' on the 30 things list, is to write down and explain three of your legitimate fears.

Oh goody, let's get this one started. I'm not sure if this is a hard one because I'm just a basket case over everything? Or if I'm just scared of 'non legitimate' things?? (Ask my dad... he'll tell you all about the Killer one eyed stud horse, or sharks coming out of the hose and scratching at the window...)

1. I'm scared of losing Matt... that's a legitimate fear, right? He's applied for a few jobs in St. George recently, and I think the sole reason I'm against them initially is knowing I'll be a worried basket case every shift he works, because he'd be driving after a long shift (probably a graveyard) and people get in car crashes ALL the time! Over Christmas break I didn't get his text right as soon as he got back to Cedar after driving over the mountain late Christmas Eve... I tried to talk myself into not being a crazy person and calling him every five minutes to make sure he was alive and not stuck in some snowbank or tree somewhere. Luckily I realized that my data was turned off (and I never get his texts unless it's on) and what do you know! He'd texted me 15 minutes earlier saying he was home safe. Good grief, I definitely inherited the worry genes in my family. :p

2. I'm scared of being in front of lots of people. I mean, I guess I can handle it... I've spoken in church plenty of times and sang in choirs and such. I guess my fear is more of looking stupid in front of people? If I ever get nervous in those situations I try to just smile and get through it but my face starts twitching and then I feel like more of an idiot. Ha. I really need to work harder at getting over this one, though, because I hold myself back from doing lots of fun things that I probably would enjoy because I'm afraid I'll look stupid. And how dumb is that anyway? Who cares what I look like or if people think I'm weird- Matt already married me so I'm not trying to be impressive, and I have built in friends through my sisters and parents who have to love me because we're stuck together for eternity! ;)

3. I'm... scared of Saturday shopping at Wal-Mart? ;p Ok, ok, so that's not really my third fear. I don't know why this one has been so hard to write! I've been trying to think up legitimate fears for the past day and a half!
Ok. Honestly, the things I'm scared of (really and truly) as of lately are lots of baby related things. What if Jaden's born with severe mental disabilites? Will I be able to handle that well? Or will I be a bad mom? What if he gets really sick and dies when he's little? (I shouldn't ever read stories on the news or on facebook even. I'm pretty much convinced my child will come down with meningitis and we won't have any idea what the heck happened to him until after he's gone.) What if I'm too much of a wimp to handle labor and delivering this little spirit? What if I don't teach him good enough and he gets sucked into drugs and pornography and all sorts of other things? What if other kids make fun of him and he doesn't have friends? What if he gets abused by someone we know and I don't see the warning signs to stop it? What if....
(There's a whole list, I'm sure.)
The only thing I can keep telling myself for this one is that some of these things could happen, but if they did it will still be ok as long as I understand the atonement, and as long as I can help Jaden understand the atonement. There truly isn't anything that can't be healed and made right through the atonement. So... I'll take a deep breath and try to keep my mama bear feelings to a minimum. ;)